Probably you wanna say that. Well, actually We both knew keeping in touch is necessary as a couple, so we decided to do Skype every day as much as we can before I got back to Japan.
But it turned out we didn’t actually.
After I came back to Japan, I started my own business as a web designer. I was extremely busy. Trust me, it’s not “kinda” busy. I was “REALLY" busy!!
A lot of people said, “Nobita, It's too early for you! You’re gonna fail! Just stay being employed by some company.”
That motivated me a lot to work all day to make ends meet, sometimes, with no sleep.
She was also very busy life with starting to work at a new company. She got a lot of things to learn and quite tough time to get used to it back then.
So, both parties were really really busy. I think that made it really harder to keep in touch. We both were too focusing on our jobs.
Having said that, we were doing Skype everyday for first 3 months, since we both knew keeping in touch is important for couples.
But, running out of things to say bothered us a lot. Sure, sometimes we had a lots, but sometimes, there was not so many to talk about actually.
- Hi, How’s it going?
- It was fine. How’s your day?
- No not really. It was just normal day. Did anything new happen?
- Nothing new.
- …OK, Ah..
After just a few minutes, weird disgusting silence bothered us a lot. I felt extremely awkward. Probably she felt the same way.
Given the situation she was on the extremely busy days, I felt I'am wasting her precious time. Feeling of guilt was killing me.
So we stopped daily Skype. Our Skype became once in a week, once in a month. Gradually, it was getting less often. And then, our connection died out in the end.
This is our first big mistake. Stopping daily communication.
Remember, you don’t have to always have thoughtful discussion or serious conversation everyday. Actually, it’s kinda impossible, right? (no matter how close the couple are).
I realized after talking with Ryosuke and Grace that just little things are totally OK, like doing chores around the house, talking about your dinner or lunch, daily workout or something like that. It could be anything.
Even you think boring or mundane parts of your day can develop your relationship and grow the connection between two, if you do “everyday".
What you talk about doesn’t really matter. How often you talk is much more important. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned.
Even if you’re extremely busy, still you have enough time to say hello. Just texting "Good Morning! Have a nice day!” “I MISS YOU!” or something like that doesn’t take 15 seconds.
Making daily-communication routine is the key to have successful long distance relationship.
2. Do Something Together
Talking with many couples who used to be in a LDR, I realized this is something I should’ve definitely done in my LDR.
When you do something together with anyone, you must feel the distance between two seem closer and connection happens naturally.
I think the biggest benefit doing something together is, you get something to talk about so easily. If you watch same movie with someone at the same time, for example, it’s so likely to happen conversation about the movie.
You wanna share reactions each other and have a great time. Thanks to the internet, distance doesn’t really matter to do this. It’s quite easier nowadays.
One of my misconceptions about LDR was, I thought having conversation through Skype was the only thing couple can do.
Obviously, it’s not.
You can cook together, watch movie together, read book together. There are a lot of things to share with your partner.
What I was struggling in LDR the most is jealousy. She was too beautiful for me not to do. I think that was the first time I felt “real" jealousy in my heart. (I usually never compare me with someone and do not care at all about what other people think about me.) I didn’t have no idea how to handle it.
“Maybe some guys approach to her and they might have great time now.."
“Does she really feel the same way as me? There’s plenty of guys in Canada. Maybe she already got into other guy.."
These kind of thoughts made me crazy all the time.
The biggest problem is, however, I didn’t tell my feeling to her at all. I just kept the anxiety, fear or any negative feelings in myself.
Why? Because I didn’t wanna be sneaky and creepy guy. If I said to her like, “I’m worry about the possibility you might cheat on me”, I thought that’s gonna make me so embarrassing and she must see me very insecure guy.
But, now I realized. If I’m not 100% honest with her, how she can be honest with me?
If you’re not open and honest with your partner, it’s gonna swallow you up from inside out sooner or later and your partner can feel that.
Eventually it leads to breakup.
It’s totally normal you feel jealous and anxious. That’s not problem. What you shouldn’t do is to try to hide your feeling. You have to express your honest feeling and let your partner help you. You definitely shouldn't take it all on yourself.