Jul 3, 2016

Too Scared To Approach Japanese Girls?

Too Scared To Approach Japanese Girls? photo

“Nobita, I can’t talk to Japanese girls..”

He looks at me anxiously from across the table, green tea in hand.

“Why is that? What’s wrong?”

“You know, Japanese girls are extremely shy like a scared child. I really don’t know how to start a conversation with that type of girl. Every time I talk to them, they seem scared to me. I’m also kinda a shy person, so I’m used to the girls who are aggressive and cheerful in my country.”

Oh my gosh..Such a narrow minded..

“Come, dude. Not all Japanese girls are shy, right? The reality is, most of them are actually not shy. I’ve been talking with so many Japanese girls in Tokyo and noticed that they are pretty friendly, talkative and open-minded”

“I doubt that. Then, why people say Japanese girls are too shy and vulnerable to approach?”

Ohhhh. I see, that stereotype of us.

“Dude, that doesn’t apply to everyone. All stereotype on the internet are over-exaggerated and not really true in most cases. If you assume they’re shy, you also become shy and nervous and the conversation will not joyful. Always act like all girls are open-minded and can’t wait to talk with you. That attitude affects the girl you approach to.”


Oh yeah, he’s getting it.

“Girls are girls. They’re all human being in the end. Don’t think like Japanese girls are new creature and see them differently. Each girl has totally different personality in the first place, so the best way is approaching to the girl as you talk to anyone you know in your country. Just be natural and be yourself.”

I can clearly see his anxiety lift off his shoulders like a backpack filled with 100 lbs of bricks.

“Well, you got point, dude. I’ll give it a shot”

Now, 5 months later, he got a Japanese girlfriend in his college. Not only that, he has a lot of Japanese friends now, and hanging around, traveling with them together. No doubt his social life in Japan drastically improved.

Wow, it’s so funny. To be honest with you, I also used to feel big fear of talking to local people when I was in Canada. Looking back on, my English was horrible and they seemed totally different human being for me.

Can you guess one of the most common questions I’m getting from viewers of my channel?

“How should I approach to Japanese girls?” (Or some other variation like: “What kind of technique do you usually use to spark the conversation with Japanese girls?”)

I don’t know how to answer this kind of question.

Because I've literally never thought like, “Oh, this girl is from US, so maybe I can talk more loudly and boldly. This girl is Japanese, so maybe I should lower my volume”.

As we see foreigners differently, they also see us differently and talk to us differently.

That’s the kind of mindset that makes the Japanese girl you’re talking to turn off. Because the person who is talking to her is not the way you normally are.

No way you can shine as a person.

Why do you think are the people in my videos seem like they’re always smiling, comfortable and natural, no matter where they’re from?

I think it’s because I’m always authentic.

I don’t change the way I talk and who I am. It doesn’t matter they speak Japanese or not, I always talk to people boldly, confidently and honestly.

After talking to thousands of thousands of starangers in Tokyo almost every day, I learned that being authentic is the No.1 key to spark the conversation. There is always someone who accepts and appreciates no matter who you are.

Yes, not all people like you. I can’t count how many people reject or ignore me with cold eyes.

But, that’s definitely not because of their cultures or nationalities either. Getting rejected by a black girl does not make me think all black girls are not friendly and cold. I know majority of them are actually so friendly and open-minded.

Maybe you think Japanese girls are all sweet, kind and caring, but you may be disappointed in reality. I’ve seen a lot of Japanese women who are aggressive, dominant and speak whatever they want to say.

Of course, you should have a little bit expetatiaon based on the culture background.If you know the girl is Muslim, it would be inappropriate to recommend her a pig food. You can’t enter the house of your Japanese girlfriend with your shoes on. If the person I’m talking to looks quite older than me, I subconsciously talk to the person more politely.

But I never assume personality of each individual. We’re all different and all unique.

In the end, if you like the individual, you really don’t care where the person is from and what the person look like. Totally doesn’t matter. Love is not about race or country.

No matter where you are now, in US, Japan or wherever, let’s enjoy dating life and hopefully find your love!

For more tips on dating and “finding your love in Japan”, check out my channel, Find Your Love in Japan!



Hi! My name is Nobita, a native Japanese guy.I'm a Web Designer in Japan. I have a YouTube channel, "Find Your Love in Japan" to show "real" Japanese people for you.