Hands on dads in Japan

I'm very fortunate that my husband enjoys being a hands on dad. He changes diapers, he takes the kids out solo, he makes them snacks and meals - and as tiring as raising kids can be, he knows that it's not just my job to care for them because I birthed them. 

What does that mean in Japan, though? Honestly, it seems like some people think it's an anomaly that he is as hands on as he is. 

Here's a good example for you. Several years ago, we'd just had our first child, and we were a few weeks into that newborn fog. As sleep deprived as we were, we decided to get out of the house and go to Kawagoe for a couple of hours. They've got a great Edo-period styled shopping street, and I felt much more normal being able to enjoy some of the sights, sounds and activities that were going on. Plus, I needed a coffee (or several).

Some shops on the street aren't exactly stroller friendly though, so a couple of times when I saw things in a window that caught my eye, ever-dutiful hubby would wait outside with our little one in her buggy so that I could explore. An older couple stopped him at one point to ooh and aah at the baby (as people tend to do), and while I was inside, they asked him if the baby didn't have a mother. Yes, it was more likely to an older couple that I was dead than possibly looking inside a store while dad walked around a bit to keep bub happy. This was also probably one of the times where I'd wished that my husband hadn't told me what someone had said in Japanese - sometimes my lack of language capability can be put down to simply enjoying blissful ignorance.

It's not just that though - he can't take the kids anywhere without people thinking he's going to mess something up. He's super capable, more-so than me to be honest - he has strength on his side as well when it comes to wrangling two young kids that I simply can't match. But if he's out alone with the two of them, he invariably gets comments like "Oh - poor dad! Out with the kids alone!" 

This is frustrating to both of us for a number of reasons. Just because he's male doesn't mean that he's incapable of being a nurturer or surviving without my help when it comes to the kids, and just because I'm female doesn't mean I need to be on the clock every second of every day for the next 18 years until my little ones are big ones! Every time I see something as simple here as a dad dropping their child to school, or being out at the supermarket with without mom in tow, I hold out hope that maybe the tide will turn - but it might take a while if tradition dictates that mom is meant to do it all and that dads don't know where to start.