Weekend marriages in Japan

How do you think you'd fare if you and your spouse or significant other led separate lives during the week, only to reconvene on the weekends? It's a hard concept for me to grasp as an married expat with children, but it seems to be quite the normalized thing for many couples and families here. The concept is called shumatsukon (literally, weekend marriage) in Japanese, and like anything, there are some pros and some cons!

To death...or weekdays...do us part. Pic Credit: Nick Youngson/CC By SA 3.0

The positives:

Easier to advance ones career

It's no secret that working life in Japan is a lot more intense than in many other countries, and if the expectation on someone is long office hours for advancement, then a weekend marriages concept might work better. It probably allows for a more laser-like focus on work during the week without other familial commitments, so if climbing the corporate ladder is priority number one then it allows for that.

It reduces the need to commute to work

For folks who live a significant commuting distance from their workplace, the weekend marriages idea can actually work quite well. Having one place closer to work and the family home further out means that a) you don't need to have that long commute, and b) you don't need to wake up the rest of the family early in the morning/late at night when you're heading out or coming home. Naturally, that's probably going to result in happier, healthier humans!

It allows for couples to have some autonomy

Often in relationships, two people become one in many respects – same social circles, same activities, same hobbies – so the weekend marriages idea means you get to have a level of autonomy during the week before you reconvene on weekends. This can definitely be a nice thing, and as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

The negatives:

Lack of day-to-day support

I think this is probably the biggest negative that I can see. For couples who have children (and young children, particularly), the responsibilities for them all fall to one party. That's a LOT of work. My husband had to attend a week long conference in Europe when my children were 3 and 1 respectively, and I remember when he came back I fell asleep almost instantaneously because I'd been woken up so many times in the night during that seven day stretch! Having to live that life every single week is hard to imagine, and I imagine it would breed a degree of resentment after a while.

Emotional distance

Obviously, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder...but on the flip side, I think for many people it may actually be the breeding ground for a level of emotional distance. If you're living separate lives during the week, unless you're a very good communicator then you will likely grow apart to a degree.

Logistical struggles

Running one household can be a logistical nightmare at times. But two?! I think I'd need a personal assistant to keep me organized if I was in that situation!

Do you think you could handle a weekend marriage? Are there any other major pros or cons that come to mind when you think of living separately from your significant other during the week?