Avenues for making friends in Japan

In various expat forums online, and often in the japanlife reddit, there's a common issue that comes up around making meaningful friendships here as an adult. When we're kids, friends are made naturally through school and play, but forming new connections for us grown-ups (especially in a foreign country!) can sometimes feel impossible.

If you're curious about where to start in that regard, a recent survey of 500 working adults in Japan shed some light on where and how friendships still bloom, and what people actually value in adult relationships.

Where friendships form

The number one way adults in Japan make friends is through work, with over 40% of respondents saying they developed friendships on the job. Work is a natural setting for relationships to evolve over time, especially since such a key part of forming a friendship involves repeat exposure to someone!

Next on the list was parenting, since for those of us with kids, connections often form at schools, daycare pick-up lines, or at local community centers. The shared responsibilities and worries about kids is an easy common ground that can lead to real friendship.

Other sources included hobbies (like sports or music), social media, and adult education classes. These shared-interest environments seemed to create low-pressure opportunities to connect with like-minded people. I think this is something particularly important for expats who may not share the same cultural background as their Japanese peers, so if you're struggling to find friends here, I would definitely recommend the hobby route! I’ve found friends here through cooking classes, for instance!

What makes someone a friend?

How do people know when they've pushed past the acquaintance phase and actually become friends? According to the survey, the turning point often comes when you can be around someone without feeling like you have to perform. Being able to relax, speak honestly, or even sit in silence together without discomfort was the top indicator of friendship.

Having similar values, being able to confide in someone, or simply enjoying time together were also highly ranked.

What adult friendships in Japan look like

Interestingly, the top thing people wanted from adult friendships wasn't constant closeness but healthy boundaries. Almost 40% said they valued a "reasonable sense of distance," suggesting that in Japanese culture especially, friendships don't require a ton of contact to be meaningful.

Being accepted as your authentic self, sharing common interests, and having similar values were also highly rated traits. 

I do think that making friends as an expat in Japan can feel slow, but it's far from impossible. The survey was a good reminder that work, hobbies, and parenting provide some natural entry points, and even online spaces can lead to some meaningful offline relationships.

How have you made your friends here in Japan?