Dec 26, 2017
The longest wait : the harder parts of being an expat
Three weeks ago, I was taken to the hospital with a raised heart rate and low blood pressure. They didn't find anything apparently wrong, kinda shrugged it off as just a panic attack and sent me home. But I knew something was wrong. Three weeks later, two more hospital visits and I'm certain of it. I can't make dinner without exhausting myself. Tomorrow I get my results in that should confirm what I already think is the problem, which luckily for me, is manageable with medication. The big problem, I may not be allowed to do any form of strenuous exercise at all, especially not ride my bike for the same amounts that I have been, or go hiking in the mountains I love so much. This is heartbreaking to think about. But worse, because of where I live in Japan, makes raising three children impossible without a car. I won't even be able to go to the doctor if I can't drive unless I rely solely on the kindness of friends taking me. It is hard to be that kind of burden on people who aren't family. It is isolating not having someone to sit face to face with and talk about it in English.
I do so hope getting a diagnosis and medication helps and I'm able to be active again, but sitting and waiting for tomorrow's appointment seems to be the longest wait in my life. 
My son looking like how I feel at the moment.
7 Comments
JapanRamen
on Dec 26
The picture says a thousand words!
genkidesu
on Dec 26
I hope that you’re doing okay - I know that I only “know” you through posting on here but I love our little interactions and see you as a friend. Wish that our families were closer by so that we could lend a hand. Thinking of you!
genkidesuka
on Dec 27
I hope you get good news after the long wait. My wife and I are thinking of you and your family.
edthethe
on Dec 27
@Jackson i could easily make a meme out of it ^_^
edthethe
on Dec 27
@genkidesu you are super sweet! that means a lot to me! Ive felt like we could be such good friends just from our interactions here too ^_^
edthethe
on Dec 27
@genkidesuka thanks so much! @genkidesu so I went to the doctor and we still don't have any clue what is going on. It isn't what I thought, but I am not sure if that is good news or bad. I'm now having a 24 hour monitor strapped to my person, but the doctor really doesn't think it has anything to do with my heart.
genkidesu
on Dec 27
@edthethe sometimes I don't know if the "no news" is easier or harder to deal with...no one wants a bad diagnosis of anything but the "we're not sure what it is" can sometimes be more stressful, i think. hoping they work it out soon and can give you some kind of answers