Meeting Up with Long Lost Found Family

Living abroad long-term means you say a lot of hellos and a lot of goodbyes over time.

Friendships amongst gaijin in Japan can be brief, leaving you like strangers in a city only overlapping in time and place for a moment. Longer lasting friendships take work to bring them into the light and hold on.

Years ago, long before the pandemic, one of my co-workers became a close friend. I considered her part of my found family. When I quit my job to be a mom, she was one of the people who visited me in the hospital when I was on bed rest to make sure that I was staying same.

After my daughter was out and about, she visited us many times even though we lived in different cities. When my kid could run around but wasn't in kindergarten yet, my friend would meet up with us in Sendai for picnic lunches and it is still such a warm memory.

It was a lovely friendship, but not without its challenges.

My friend was in the middle of a disastrous relationship shortly before she left Japan. The recovery process from that took years and a lot of hard work back in her homeland.

Now, many years later, she seems thoroughly recovered and genuinely happy, and I'm very glad to see that.

The last time she visited us, there were difficulties likely brought on by a toxic mutual acquaintance. A sudden urge by the toxic party to go on a date week long road trip with her temporary house guest meant that my visiting friend's promise to stay at my home for a couple of days went up in flames.

I try not to be bitter about it, but planning on seeing someone for days just to have them suddenly cut it to maybe just one day, then just one afternoon, then just coffee, and then literally messaging me while we are on the way to get coffee, my daughter in tow, to ask how long coffee really needs to be was some extremely bad behavior. I told her then that she hurt my feelings and if she didn't want to hang out, that would be easier than dealing with my heartbroken daughter who was five then and still remembered time with her.

My kid is ten now and doesn't remember at all. That's fine because when this visiting friend mentioned wanting to hang out, I waited until the day before to mention it to her anyway, just to be safe.

I'm glad I went. She was actually a delight to hang out with and I enjoyed getting to know her a little again.

By the end of the meetup, I really feel like we had only barely scratched the surface of things that should have been said and feelings that should have been shared, but what can you do? At least this time I'm genuinely looking forward to the next time she makes contact. I have hope that our next encounter will be just as pleasant as this one.