Aug 21, 2018

Japanese guys are too busy

Before I met my husband I was using a Japanese dating website to meet Japanese guys. It was pretty easy to find someone to meet with, however meeting them again turned out as quite complicated. 

Of course, some of the guys were just not interested in a second date, but for the others, it was pretty hard to find a date where we could meet again because Japanese guys tend to be pretty busy, which is somewhat understandable considering the long working hours. Especially in Tokyo, you also have to take distance into consideration. Even if you both live in Tokyo there might be a distance of over an hour by train between both houses, which is also a factor that makes meeting a little more difficult.

When looking at Japanese websites with dating tips you often see the advice that you should not ask the guy out too often because that makes you seem too interested in him and he thereby loses interest. Some sites say that meeting about twice a month should be sufficient and that you should make sure that you still maintain your hobbies and meet with your friends. This goes not only for someone that you just met but also for couples that are dating already. A German friend of mine was once dating a Japanese guy and they only met about twice a month.

Japanese guys are too busy photo

When dating Japanese guys you need to be patient

You also see the advice that sending too many text messages is not a good idea, because it also makes you seem too interested.

From a German perspective that is quite hard to understand. When I like someone I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Maybe not during the initial process of getting to know each other, but in my mind, a dating couple usually spends several days per week together unless it is a long distance relationship. Also, during the times we cannot be together I want to stay in contact through texts or phone calls.

For me, meeting my boyfriend twice per month would never be enough. So at one point, I was almost ready to give up because I was sure I would never find a guy that thinks the same way, but just at this point I met someone who would turn into my husband a few years later and he was different from the other guys I met before.

We exchanged numbers after the first date and started texting back and forth for a while. A few days later I asked him for a second date and he was available immediately. After that, we kind of naturally started meeting almost every weekend and officially started dating a few weeks later.



Hi, I’m Eli. I’m from Germany and moved to Japan a few years ago. I am a typical nerd and like collecting Pokémon merchandise.Follow me on twitter (@hannari_eri) for the latest nerd News from Tokyo. I also write a blog in German over here. https://lifeinjapanisstrange.wordpress.com/

1 Comment

  • edthethe

    on Aug 21

    I feel like, if the person isn't willing to make time for you for what you feel is necessary, then they are selfish and not with it anyway. If you are a clingy person then you need and deserve someone who will appreciate the attention. If you are very independent, then you need and deserve someone who will respect that. That's the hard part of dating. How much is compromise and how much is giving into someone else's selfish Ness.